Shadows

I have many memories
Of shadows I have loved
And some
That simply won’t let go.

The shadow of a mango tree
Through garden lights
Giddily traced with white chalk
On the backyard floor after a family dinner
(Mom will laugh but be so angry tomorrow)
While high with a brother 
I want to love 
and can’t understand.

The shadow on a building
sometime in the early oughts
On the other side of the street
Outside a party
In an unknown place in Barcelona
Which smiled at me like a friendly monster
I had to draw
But never could
(I preferred that shadow
to all the people there).

The shadow that haunts me
In my sleep
When the paralysis hits
And I can do nothing
But wait for it
To catch me
(The last time
the woman came from the ceiling
And held my hand tightly
Until I woke up
And it still hurt).

The shadow of my listless body
Like an iguana
In the midday sun
On a dessert or a beach
- Or maybe both -
While a student film was being filmed beside me.

And the shadows of the moon
Shocking in their clearness
as if a light was on
While trudging through winding stairs
On a rocky coast in Spain
During an impromptu late summer trip
Surrounded by strangers
And remembering who I was.

The shadow of the streetlights
In a gothic street
While listening to a man
Sing Pavarotti 
And tell me I was in love.

The shadow of the moon
And the stars
Walking on a mountaintop
With a best friend 
Who has long forgotten me
While drinking wine and speaking of aliens
And the weird things we like to believe.

And the moon
While walking outside
On a random Tuesday night
After remembering I had to put away the laundry
And thinking I had left a light on
and suddenly remembering
the beauty of it all.

I seem to forget
My shadows
The good ones at least
But sometimes
When I least expect it
The moon reminds me
That my shadows still love me

Even if I forget.

A Dream

We were floating
effortlessly 
on bright blue waters
carried along by the leisurely stream
surrounding a lake
deep and dark and blue
where people frolicked and jumped and laughed
under beautiful, imposing rock formations
that made a bridge over us.

We looked up at the sky -
a backdrop that made everything feel even more alive.
We talked of the future
filled with optimism 
and we knew things would be alright

and we were happy.